How the hell could i ever reconsider this punk? please remind me why he doesnt deserve me and the kids!!!!?

how can i ever soften my heart for him again? im actually thinking about giving him another chance knowing d@mn well he doesnt deserve it. the father of my children has beat me, stole from me,cheated on me, lied to me, and turned my family against me. he never allowed me to leave the house. timed me when i did and i wasnt allowed to conversate with neighbors! i finally was able to leave him. its been a year and i almost get physically sick when i run into him cause im that stressed around him, but after tonight, having a four hour long conversation with him i actually started to feel old feelings again. how can this possibly happen after being away from him almost a year now. he is not healthy for me. please remind me that i shouldnt take him back. please, i dont wanna fall back in the same trap. this man has already given me a play by play scenerio of how he would kill me, cut of my finger and toes and rip out all of my teeth and burn me up to keep the police from identifying my body.